TFF-1+1= ? Motherhood is Not for Wimps

Moonbeam stopped by the house on her way to the airport. We kissed and cried and acted all casual. Eden howled, kicked, refused to pose for a picture. But then, when Moonbeam's car pulled away for the last time, she shouted, "I WUV YOU MOONBEAM!!" She's such a jerk.

?So Moonbeam says you read the blog,? I began conversationally. ?Well, maybe less-than-conversationally.

She was Moonbeam?s best friend from high school, looking for summer work. ?She came with Moonbeam?s highest personal recommendation. ?I am working long hours this summer, and we need coverage.

I briefly considered cleaning the house for her visit, but then I remembered that it just gets dirty again. ?Plus, I figure if she?s going to run, lets have her do it the first day. ?Saves us all a lot of time.

?I do read the blog,? she said diplomatically. ??Moonbeam, of course, raved about the girls all the time.?

Raved. ?Past tense. *Sob.

(Somewhere in Chicago, as we spoke, Moonbeam was finishing her first day of work. ?I helpfully remembered to text her that morning, right on the dot at 8 a.m. when she was due at the office:

?COME HOME!!!? I wrote. ??DAMN! ?Promised myself I wouldn?t do that.?)

Eden had spent most of her naptime flushing the upstairs toilet and as a result was in rare form by the time the New Girl arrived. ?First, she screamed that she wanted Ren?s toy car. ?Then when Ren wouldn?t give it to her, she threw herself on the ground and pitched herself one authentic full-on fit. ?When no one responded, she sobbed dramatically and stomped off.

?So what should we tell the New Girl about our family?? I asked the girls.

?Um, well, Eden is very badly-behaved,? Ren said.

?She knows that part,? I said.

?Eden has a terrible temper,? Mare added.

?Right, guys, got it covered,? I said.

I plied the children with popsicles so I could take?the New Girl on a little tour of the house, which is when I got a look at it through fresh eyes. ?The first floor seemed basically okay, if you ignored the living room carpet, and the kitchen and family room. ?And the hallway.

But then as we climbed the stairs I thought ? ?Hmmm ? what does it look like up here, anyway??

She ignored the underpants on the floor, which I richly appreciated, and shrugged gamely at my insistence that no one EVER makes a bed on ? what day is it today, Monday? ?Right. ?NEVER on Mondays.

We went back downstairs and I firmly told the children TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW so they scampered into the family room to start smearing stuff around while absently staring at the television as I finished up with the New Girl.

?How do you feel about housecleaning?? I asked.

?Oh, I?m a cleaner,? she said.

?Wait ? like the kind that passionately loves cleaning other people?s messes or the kind that will silently judge me all day long??

?Momma, where?s the vacuum bags?? Ren asked from the doorway.

?No vacuuming,? I said.

?Sunbeam taught me how. ?Seriously, I just need a new bag. ?It?s in the ??

?NO! ?REN! ?NOT THE CLOSET! ?THE NEW GIRL?S NOT READY!?

But it was too late, Ren had opened the Closet of Doom.

?Momma, there?s got to be a bag in here,? she said, rifling through bins, random tools, moldy dishrags (don?t ask) and Stuff that Doesn?t Fit Anyone Right Now But Might Fit Someone Later.

?Sweetie, shut the door before something crawls out!? I said.

?NAAAAAH!? ?Eden shrieked. ??NAAAAANANANANAAA!!!?

?Ren, just give Edeny whatever she wants and be quiet for two minutes while we finish our conversation!? I said, steering her back to the play room.

?Okay,? I said, ramming stuff back into the closet, leaning against the door, ?so when they?re with you, you?re in charge. ?I let them climb trees very high and lots of people are not ok with that, so you call uncle when it?s past what you?re ok with ? REN-I-SWEAR-I ??

She was back in the doorway. ? Holding a full vacuum cleaner bag.

?It was an easy fix, Momma,? she said. ??Open the trash for me??

So I opened the trash and stared stupidly while Ren emptied the bag. ?And then I thought long and hard about why Eden might be so silent.

Which is how we came to find her, drenched in peanut butter, in the middle of a floor stuck with shriveled Cheerios laced with drying milk.

?Want to go through a tub routine?? I asked the New Girl, and she said yes and then Eden howled ??NO LIKE IT!!? at her while we made our way upstairs. ?(I went up first, ?a little one-woman advance team gathering all the panties into the hamper.)

We tubbed and chatted, Eden howled and shrieked and when it was over, I dressed her, loved on her, read to her and put her to bed in her nice cool room.

New Girl ?had settled into the play room, lying on her belly and drawing pictures with Ren.

I plated up pasta and veggies and wondered whether Moonbeam?s first day had gone well. ?(For whatever reason, she never texted me back.)

?Will you stay for dinner?? ?Ren asked, as New Girl gathered her things.

?No,? she said. ?I have to head home. ?But I will be back.?

?YAY!!? Ren said. ?And then decided New Girl needed to take one of my notebooks home and it should have her name on it so she made New Girl spell her name letter-by-letter which was convenient because at that point Eden was standing at the top of the stairs shrieking,

?MAMA! ?NAAA! NO NAPPING NO LIKEIT! NAAAA!? ? so I had some place to be just then.

I brought Eden down (?NO MAMA NO NAPPING NO LIKE IT!?) and said,??Okay, say goodbye to the New Girl.?

Mare hugged her and said, ?See you next week!? and Ren gave her the notebook and said, ?Keep this so you can write anything you think of that?s important!? and then Eden threw her arms around New Girl quick as a flash and before anyone could acknowledge it she walked away away muttering, ?NO LIKE IT.?

?Thanks for coming,? I said to New Girl. ?And then I whispered, ?Tell the truth. ?Everything I write about the little one ? it?s right, isn?t it??

New Girl took a deep breath, looked me dead in the eye and said, ?Oh, yeah.?

And I said, ?You?re hired.?

And she said, ?Awesome.?

And just after she left it hit me, and I sent her a text:

?Your blog name is ?Flutter,?? I wrote. ??And don?t text and drive.?

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"Yay! CHICAGOLAND!"

Chicago food

Chicago girl

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What's that you say? The recipe? OK. Easy-peasy. Cut the tops off the artichokes, halve them. Scrape out the choke, cut the spiky tips off the leaves. Toss into a roasting pan cut-side down with lemon, garlic, and about an inch of water. Roast at about 500 degrees until just fork-tender. (Add more water, if necessary) Dip in melted butter and roast directly over low flame a minute or so on each side. Salt and pepper to taste, serve with melted butter and lemon.

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Source: http://damomma.com/2011/06/07/tff-11

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